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My Date Is A Sociopath.

I really didn’t think of telling this story or even write about it at first because I am still a bit embarrassed that someone would try and shame me how this guy did. But I’ve had a productive day and when I feel I’ve worked hard I want to work harder sometimes. I have the energy so I thought I’d channel it into entertaining you with this, my story about a date from hell last year. It's also quite therapeutic to publish and share my real life stories on the internet, I enjoy vomiting up my feelings and emotions for all the world to see, its freeing.

I went on a Hinge date last year during the first lockdown. I can’t lie I was bored and needed some entertainment, I feel I also was in the habit of dating people I didn’t like at that point in my life, I know that may sound strange, but with some introspection and self-awareness last year I realised that I was avoiding intimacy on a subconscious level I was choosing to go on first dates with people I subconsciously knew were not right for me, that I didn’t really like but I’d give them the chance then back out after the first date, after admitting as soon as I’d met them that they were not my bag. Luckily i've fixed up now and I'm emotionally available but I wont go too deep into that but my summer post about catching feelings during quarantine is proof of this and I didn't meet bae on an app either, just saying.

The Italian guy I matched with was tall enough meaning over 6ft1 and was my type on paper and reasonably in the looks department. I say reasonably because what he did makes him ugly, you know when someone's actions make you blur your perception to view them in a negative way.

Anyway, he invited me for drinks at a private park close to where he lives. Private being that only people living in that street have fob access to it. I came to meet him and as soon as I saw him I knew I wasn't interested, as harsh as that may sound.

I am going, to be honest throughout this post by the way. I continued with him to the park, he bought glasses from his house and the bottle of gin I'd asked for, we sat, drank, and chatted. I am one of those people who can talk to anyone as a journalist. I pride myself on good communication skills and building a natural rapport, the conversation was ok and it flowed nicely but I felt no sparks, I wasn't romantically interested. He told me that he’d moved to London from Italy earlier in the year for work, he told me that his father had recently passed, I gave him my condolences and he told me that he was ok and that he was over it, he loved his Father but when you die that's it, no afterlife just dead and gone. I was a little bit shook by his reaction being the spiritual spooky individual that I am, our views were not the same but who was I to judge everyone deals with grief differently.

The conversation continued and we spoke about politics, psychology, he joked and told me he was a psychopath, which is a major red flag to run. I said “I need a wee-wee” very childish I know but I needed to pee badly I also never really thought about peeing on social distanced dates, it never even crossed my mind.

It urned out he lived just across the road so he invited me back to his house to use his bathroom. His flat was in a big old Georgian townhouse with matte pastel green and blue coloured tiling all over the floor along large steps which we crept over at the entrance of the property.

I thought he was going to kill me. I panicked and started to scream “let me out, let me out!”

As soon as he opened the door to his first floor flat, I hadn’t even taken my shoes off before he ushered me straight down a long hallway to the tiny bathroom which was situated at the end of it. So I didn't really have chance to take in my surroundings and to see what the flat looked like, all the room doors were closed apart from the lounge door which was situated at the other end of the hallway to the bathroom. He even opened the bathroom door for me, I stepped inside and locked the door behind me.

After I had finished watering the flowers I washed my hands dried them and unlocked the door, as I tried to turn the handle and push the door to exit it became apparent that I was still locked in, I tried and tried to get out but I was still locked inside, so many thoughts began to rush through my mind a hot flush came over me within a second.

I thought I was gonna die, I thought he was going to kill me. I panicked and started to scream “let me out, let me out!” the bathroom was tiny, for some reason I thought he was going to stab me to death, then and there.

Guess who appeared and opened the damn door immediately after I started screaming. He asked me if I was ok and chuckled, he stood and grinned at me. Quite creepy now looking back and after telling this story to so many of my friends, they tell me firstly, I am stupid to of had such a lax way of not thinking about the risks of going to someone's house who I’ve just met, even if it was to only use the bathroom, I had still put myself in a vulnerable possibly dangerous situation.

And secondly, he was holding that door shut to mess with me, after I exited the bathroom a sense of relief washed over my body, he didn't even say if the door was sticky, and if that had ever happened before. I know I sound extra and overdramatic which I can be but I’m a very expressive person so I think sometimes people confuse the two, but where I’m going with this story will probably make you think I had every right to be.

He walked me down the hall and offered me another drink on his sofa instead of going back to the park. He put some trash music on and sat on the sofa, he obviously felt comfortable but I didn't. He forced me to listen to him rap in Italian over a dead beat, I lived with a wannabe rapper during the third year of my undergrad degree, I was used to being forced to nod and smile and pretend to enjoy someone's crap rap, so I entertained it.

I couldn't understand a word naturally as I do not speak his language and it would've been rude if I told him the honest truth to his face under his own roof so I just polity said "what a nice hobby." He really put all his energy and effort into it, I could tell he thought he was sick. But I’d find the most attractive guy cringe if he forced me to listen to his trash rap. I told him I had to leave as I had work the next day and needed to be up early, it was now around 9 pm and we had been on the date for nearly an hour I wasn’t feeling any vibes and wanted to go home to my bed to sleep.

He started begging me to stay. He asked me to get up and dance with him, which I wasn’t in the mood to do as he was giving me the ick and I was scared he may try and kiss me, thinking it was cute. I was firm and told him I needed to leave ASAP, my spirit wouldn't let me rest, something kept telling me to leave, I just felt super uncomfortable in his presence.

he asked me to promise to see him again, I said I would be honest throughout this blog post. I lied to him and told him that I’d see him in two days on Tuesday evening, I told him we could go for a social distanced walk in my area, it was the first thing I could think of and it shut him up, made him happy and it allowed me to leave instantly.

I had no intention of seeing him again I didn't even think about him over the next two days, like I would If I liked someone, I'd speak to them everyday, I like to be obsessed. he popped up and messaged me twice, random things like “Sunday was cool, super looking forward to Wednesday” I just replied with emojis after like seven hours, you know the feeling of not wanting to talk to someone, ignoring someones and forgetting about them. By this point, I just thought he was a dead ting and that was the end of it. I was only reminded to reply to his messages after checking my inbox to reply to other people and seeing him there. I should've blocked him instantly and not replied to any further messages instead of trying to be nice.

We move, it’s now Wednesday and I was going about my day as per usual. I saw him chilling in my inbox and thought that it was a good sign that he hasn't popped up asking about any of the plans we had agreed on. I thought too soon, he messaged me three times that day and I’m gonna sound evil for saying this but I wasn’t on it. I didn't want to reply so Ignored his messages asking what time we should hang out and where to meet. I spoke to my friend later that day around 10 pm. I told her I needed an excuse, I didn't want to be mean I just wasn't interested but I was still trying to be nice.

Looking back on it I should've told him straight up I wasn't feeling his vibe as soon as the first meeting had happened so I learned my lesson there. I also learned the hard way, I guess, he was about to show me how fucked up he was. My friend told me to lie and say I was celebrating Eid with her, she has the best banter and I found that really funny as i'm haram.

I told her, he’d know that was false as during our conversation on Sunday I told him I'm open minded spiritually and I don't follow a specific faith, he knows i'm not muslim. She told me to just message him and say a madness happened and to leave it there, short and sweet. I followed her advice and sent the message. I didn't get a response until the next day in the morning.

He accused me of stealing his housemates watch and said he had proof on CCTV. It may sound weird to some of you reading this but I know people who have valuable art/goods or even a beloved pet. They have CCTV connected to their phones so they can see whats going on at all times, no matter where they are. So the accusation of CCTV didn't creep me out as much as it did my friends.

It’s only creepy if you behave like Stephen Bear. I've been to other peoples houses and seen motion detector CCTV in plain sight. What did surprise me was how well he was able to fabricate that story, he has a very good imagination, he's a very good elaborate liar.

For about ten seconds after reading his message. I was gaslight into believing I had to prove my innocence, but then I realised he was trying to manipulate me, toy with me, just like a sociopath would if I was a teenager I would've believed his bullshit and probably spent some time trying to prove my innocence against 0 evidence, but I'm honestly too grown now. If theres CCTV footage of me send it, I wanna see myself looking cute in 4K.

He came with a bag of lies. There was nothing to prove because no theft had taken place. I never saw anything valuable, all he had was loads of bottles of whisky and television, it was a modest normal flat nothing boujie about it. I never saw any CCTV for the short time that I was in the flat and I hadn't seen a watch. He never left me alone at all he even stood outside the toilet whilst I peed, I believe. I also think watches are pointless and unnecessary you will never catch me wearing one, most men I know are into that. I'm more into handbags!

I always keep evidence, I took screenshots.

I don't know what he was aiming to achieve I think he was trying to scare me, I felt like he was angry at me because I completely stood him up. I didn't give him an address or time and place to go somewhere I just ignored him, I think he knew I didn't like him. I'm not clever enough to steal and I was made ward of court in 2001 so I'm pretty sure my hair and finger prints are still on record, I've never thought to commit a crime.

Part of me also thought that he was accusing me of theft because i'm black and it was a sly cruel manipulation to say to me that I am less than him, and those types of behaviours are negatively stereotyped and sometimes associated with someone of my skin colour, thats why I said "I know i'm black but don't be ignorant."

So he was trying to punish me in some weird way. Because I had realised he was trying to play with me I just sat strong in my innocence, it was dawning on me what a weirdo he was. My intuition was right.

I wanted to see if he would continue with his bullshit story, but that was his last message to me. Just like one of the many telephone automated scammer message I received last year saying I owed over £5,000 worth in council tax and that if I didn't call the Indian telephone operator who was pretending to work for HM revenue in the U.K. If I didn't pay the money that day I'd be arrested within the next 24 hours.

Well you guessed it I'm still waiting. I never heard anything from the 'police.' I even gave him my real phone number which he hadn't been given till that point, and my email. I have received no further communication from him. I even told him to tell his fictitious house mate to call me so he could prove the watch even existed.

Also why would you be nice to a thief anyway, it was so weird how he was trying to act like he was being nice to someone who he was accusing of stealing.

This was the last terrible date that I went on, I've not had a horror story to write about since. He took moving mad to a whole different level, when I told my friends about this story they said he sounded exactly like a manipulative sociopath.

A different friend said that he reacted that way because he wanted regain power in which he probably felt like he lost when I in essence rejected him.

One of my friends also said that if I had met him again he would've probably hurt me, which doesn't even bare thinking about.

A twisted story but one perfect for my blog and a lesson to other women, listen to your gut.


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