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"Are We Dating the Same Guy?" London Facebook Group

Last week I was scrolling through TikTok in bed when I came across a video about the Facebook group called "Are We Dating The Same Guy?" There were multiple groups for every town and city around the world. The woman in the video claimed that it was a place for women to post pictures and information about the men they were dating to find out if their partners were being faithful, or were entangled elsewhere, and to also warn other women about narcissists, abusers, and manipulators to help other women stay safe. The bio on the group echoed a similar sentiment.

The concept seemed messy and intriguing all at the same time, I nearly broke an ankle running over to Facebook to search and fill out the questions required to join the private page.

I must admit that I am happy that someone came up with this idea, as it's like a Trip Advisor for men.

It seems like the bar is in hell, dating apps and seeking a relationship, in general, can be very tricky in this day and age, it almost seems like everyone wants to cheat and mess around. And unfortunately, some people have no problem with being dishonest and lying to fulfil their own selfish needs.

I guess women universally got fed up and decided to create a database to carry out background checks on romantic partners/potential ones to try and avoid heartbreak in the long run.

I noticed that the London group that I applied to join had jumped up from around 2k followers to over 8.5k within that same week, and that number has continued to grow.

It took two days for my request to be accepted, and when it was I was shocked, my jaw was on the floor with the accounts of abuse and manipulation that I was reading about.

It was upsetting, and I really felt for the brave women that had come forward to stop it from happening to other women. I kind of expected it if I'm honest, but I hoped it wouldn't be as bad as this.

The group allows users to post anonymously which is great for those who want to remain private. Whilst researching the sites online I listened to stories about some women who had exposed the women to the men they had posted about, creating more danger for those brave enough to speak out, as there could be the consequence of harsh retribution.

There are many rules to the group, that one must follow, and I wouldn't consider breaking any of them, so I refuse to reach out to the people I know to tell them they've been posted, I'm sticking to girl code on this.

Over the years I have spoken a lot about dating and relationships on my website, publishing heartfelt stories for those that care to read to enjoy.

But it has been such a long time since I did so, and I think that's probably because my love life has been stable and I haven't come across any crazies in a few years now.

I often think to myself that it's been such a long time since I've cried in the back of an Uber, I haven't been heartbroken in so long, and I guess I'm toxic because I lowkey miss it a bit. I'm most creative when I'm filled with emotion, and at my saddest times, I've been able to push forth and transform my life in some of the most positive ways. I can't complain, and I should be grateful, which I am, as I'm happy to of attracted healthy normal (somewhat boring) people into my life relationship-wise, stability, loyalty, honesty and kindness are everything to me.

Enough with the tangent! I also wanted to be nosy and check out the men that were being posted.

In case I recognised anyone, and unfortunately, I did. I recognised a few people, and read the comments underneath the posts about how badly they had treated women and the lies they had told.

I was shocked that people I knew had told such lies, and it was interesting to see women coming together as a community to share notes and to compare timelines. I hung back stayed quiet and continued to read, like a fly on the wall I sat back and watched a few people that I knew getting exposed.

I also saw women commenting under posts explaining that the guy in the photo was their boyfriend, and asking for the author to contact them via private message to talk.

Men with wives and children cheating with multiple women around the country were shocking! I always wonder how these men manage to hold down a career, a family, and five other girlfriends along with keeping up with multiple lies and living double lives.

I felt sorry for the mutual friends that had caught their friend's partners cheating on the site. One had a pregnant friend that she had to break the news to, as her friend's husband's dating profile had been shared for all to see. One man even edited out his wedding ring, there was a side-by-side comparison of the same picture, the first being the pre-edited one. The lengths some of these men had gone to so they could spread their bodily fluids around the country with anyone they managed to strike it lucky with, putting themselves and their partners at risk of catching all manner of diseases.

Let me just say, men who have behaved badly are the only ones who should be worried about pages like this popping up in every city in the UK. If you're well behaved you have a lesser chance of being posted.

I know some men will also hate groups like this, and will slam the women that join them, but it's the only safe option for women on the dating market currently. And after reading stories about sexual assault and some of the traumatic experiences some of these women have been through I understand why many women are flocking to the sites to do background checks and find out if any other women have dated these men before.

Some men had earned a bad reputation for forcing women to stay at their houses, despite them saying no. Some were determined to get women into their beds by any means possible, even setting up dates minutes from their homes. Unsurprisingly some had gained bad reputations for sleeping with women and ghosting them right after, just after saying all the right things to gain trust, in order to gain intimacy from those seeking to fall in love.

On a positive note, some of the men that were posted had been given the all-clear in the form of glowing reviews by women who knew them in real life, so it's not all negative.

This is just what it's come to. I can see groups like this continuing to grow, as women look out for one another and continue to try and remain safe while searching for love or to just confirm that the romantic entanglement they've found themselves in is pure and true on both sides.


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