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The Mentality Of Submissive Men.

Photo Credit: X Portfolio (1978) Robert Mapplethorpe

Domestic Male Slaves.

Let me start by saying that I am actually tired of talking about sex and relationships on my blog, it lowkey makes me cringe a bit now as there are other things I want to share and speak about. This will most likely be my last post about these types of topics for a while, as I have other plans for where I want the direction of this site to go, but these seem to be the topics that have caused me to sometimes delve deeper and do a little more research especially when technology/social media is involved. I almost feel like these topics and subjects land in my lap through my encounters and experiences in life.

I have a big interest in psychology so I always like to try to understand why we, as humans behave as we do. I find the human mind fascinating and I don't like to take things from face value. I have recently been coming to terms with the fact that I seem to sometimes attract what I would call creepy people, and it actually annoys me. They seem to gravitate towards me much to my dismay, whether that be in person or online.

"Times have changed as women are now somewhat freer to assert their dominance over men in all phases of life, but not without a struggle."(Kahn 2009)

Like most women I receive direct messages on my social media platforms, Instagram being the main one for me. The subject of submissive men piqued my interest when I was approached online, I recently received a message from someone I do not follow or know and have never met before.

I found the idea of a man who actively would seek out women to submit to interesting, as it’s basically non-sexual, all they want to do is cook and clean for you, free of charge and fully clothed. I wanted to understand the psychology behind his desires. We live in a world where it's expected of most men to be hyper-masculine and conditioned to never really show much emotion. I think that this expectation can affect men negatively and the UK male suicide statistic is one representation of this. I feel like men should be taken seriously when they want to talk about their feelings and emotions especially when it comes to seeking help with their mental health.

I sometimes get bored and watch old Barcroft TV clips, they do many short segments on the weird and slightly strange. I know this myself as I did face to face interviews with Harnaam Kaur and the Quirky Mr Keith Gordon a few years ago for them. Most importantly they’ve also interviewed submissive men, so this and a few other documentaries, as well as a few written sources and accounts, is the only exposure I have had of them, as I don't think there are many men like the one in my DM’s and the one in ‘this clip’ actively seeking what they are.

I’ve heard it said before that submissives enjoy the pain, that comes when you allow yourself to submit your power over to someone else when you relinquish self-control.

I always had the impression that these men had intense and stressful daily careers, where they were the ones at the heads of businesses that being managers, bosses and CEO’s, so in their personal life, in private they enjoyed the role reversal of submitting to someone and doing everything they are told to do, in this case, it being chores and running errands but in other cases, it would be sexually, like being kicked and whipped.

Some men will seek the services of a dominatrix for a few hours in the day, to be flogged and to feel the burning sensation of hot dripping candle wax running down their torso’s. Both of these types of men can have a current partner but indulge in these activities secretly. I have read cases of some women accepting this aspect of their partner's personality and adapting their relationships around it to fulfil one another needs, they live happily and function in healthy relationships.


There is another form of this type of relationship, which involves financial control. Paypigs enjoy being financially dominated by women, they ask that a woman also known as a “Findom” in this type of agreement, call them vulgar and disrespectful names whilst threatening them to send them money, which they always hand over as that it is part of their kink, financial domination is also a work from home job, which can seem lucrative to many women. It’s interesting to know that there are women who don’t mind this kind of weekly cleaning arrangement. I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with a stranger in my home. But everyone is different and has their own opinions on this type of hired house help.

I posted many of the screenshots to my Instagram story, I like to be interactive with my followers every once in a while, plus a little shocking entertainment on a miserable Monday is always a good idea. Many of my followers became invested in this story as it is quite odd and it's unusual for a man to slide into a woman's DM’s and ask that type of thing. It's a real shame that he has denied a full interview because there are many questions that I and some of my followers would have loved to of asked him, such as where does he find the time to run errands for multiple women at their houses for free? I also would love to know what age these desires were triggered, and when he began seeking women to serve?

There seems to be a market for this type of thing, many of the female responses to me sharing the messages were fairly positive and most of the male responses, were light-hearted, some asked if he wouldn't mind coming over to their houses to help out. This is also a cheap cost-effective way to save money on a cleaner/maid.

Written by,

Ebun Felicity Hargrave


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